Conscious Love and Partnerships
- Posted by deborah on May 26th, 2012
What makes a loving relationship?
How can you develop and grow your marriage?
What is the secret of letting go of your past, so you can see your partner for who they are?
It's no suprise that the most intimate relationships are the most emotionally challenging. Many say that we unconsciously seek out partners who represent our primary caregivers from an early age. A frightening thought and yet it is in these very same relationships where the possibility of healing your inner wounded child is possible. The question is are you willing to do the work, put in the effort and learn how to be opened and honest in the way you live in your relationship – are you ready to be consciousness in your relationship?
The ability to see your partner for their true self is often clouded with the ideals and expectations of what you want them to be. You cannot change your partner, instead you are responsible for accepting and supporting them for who they are. Being consciously aware of instead your own personal challenges and seeking to make the changes within yourself.
I often see couples in a struggle and challenged by their relationship. In the beginning of they loved their partner for all the traits and characteristics they didn’t have within themselves – however over time… these very same characteristics and traits they used to love – now they despise. Why? Mostly because they still lack these things which they feel they are missing within themselves.
Jung said that you marry your unconscious mind – which means all the things you love about your partner… is you and all the things you hate about your partner… is also you. And the more you resist it… the more unconscious you are about your own “shadow”.
What is “the shadow”?
The shadow is something which you are mostly unconscious of. And it is through intimate relationships that you will discover more about your own shadows. Where-ever there is an “emotional pull” about your partners behaviour - it’s often more about you than it is about your partner. For example if your partner often critises the food from a restaurant “it’s just not good enough” (and it really upsets you as he/she does it so often) you may find that what the underling issue is that you also critise yourself often in exactly the same way ie. Beating yourself up about the things you do. So whilst you may not do the exact same behaviour –you could find that in some area of your life you are acting in a similar way and having the same impact.
A loving partnership should not “complete you” instead there is a greater opportunity where two people (feeling complete within themselves) can become so much more.
Anything worth acheiving always takes effort, work and risk. The risk of being totally genuine and authentic within your relationship; the ability of being able to own up to your own "stuff" (your wounded or unperfect self) and the effort to heal this part of you in the presence and support of your partner - is yours alone.
How do I create Change?
I use a combination of different modalities including Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP); Hypnosis and Emotional Intelligence to understand your current challenges as well as clarifying what specific changes you feel are necessary to change your relationship. Every relationship has it's own emotional challenges, learning about your own personal circumstances is essential.
I’ll be writing more about my thoughts and beliefs around this topic in blogs to follow. I’ll be referring to many authors of the psyche summarising what they have discovered, as well as the experiences of clients, friends and family. I’ll be interested to know your insights and welcome your comments. As I don’t believe there is any right or wrong generally, we all find what’s “right and wrong” for our own circumstances and environment. The important thing is in sharing your ideas, as this is how we can all learn and grow.
Recommended Reading: Getting the Love you want by Harville Hendrix
Website Link: http://www.octavian.biz/relationships
Couple Counselling Therapist: Deborah Edwards (Sydney Australia) 0402 623 375